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Cecile Landon |
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After months of adjustment to hearing new sounds, I wonder if it is possible to convey how it really was at first. In January I decided to have a cochlear implant. After grieving for the loss of my remaining natural hearing, I finally learn I will have better hearing, but it will be mechanical.
They are going to put a long tube of electrodes into my inner ear, entering through the back and inserting a magnet that will protrude under my scalp just about two inches above the ear. That magnet will attach to an external magnet that makes the connection to a microphone and control box which I will wear on my belt. For a few weeks I can try different kinds of sound and control the volume. A lot to learn. |
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"I am going to be really happy," I am told. "Nothing bad is going to happen, I won’t go blind, I won’t hear a freight train running in one ear and out the other (but I DID hear them!---and from far away too!) and I will have "usable communication skills." One of my greatest joys has always been knowing what other people think. Now I won’t be confined to the editorial pages in the news.
The day arrives. Our pastor came to see me before the operation in case I go blind, and it is the last time we see each other! After one night in the hospital where they never let you sleep, I went home with a drain behind my ear and wearing a large cup which held the surgical pads in the place and protected my stitches. I told the doctor not to cut so much hair off, but I think he was getting even with me for nagging him. It would be some time before I was concerned about it again.
Almost every day I had company. A writing pad kept us in touch. My neighbor came over and took me to the doctor for my two day check-up. During the healing process cokes and toast comfort me and captioned TV helps pass the time. In five days I am so crazy that I take my chances on going to Wendy’s for supper in absolute total silence. Before the operation, I pretended I could hear the counter people and now I tell them plainly, "I can’t hear you, just let me tell you what I want." If they cannot understand my simple explanation and persist in asking me questions, I repeat my declaration and try to think of everything they will ask me. No mayo; Yes, I dine IN, good grief!!
My silent condition eliminates much of the New Year resolutions involving activity. Somehow this translates into a greater desire for entertainment. Maybe video information would seep into the little gray cells, and I might emerge from this cocoon conversant on all kinds of subjects. I might even get my own writing files in order, but NO! All I want right now is entertainment!
By the following week, I am so stir crazy, I rearrange the bedroom, make the bed and go with the family to the snack shop. I talk about the neighborhood, and they listen. That’s a switch! The second Wednesday I went to play dominoes at the center for seniors and talked about my operation. THEY had to listen.
Finally, in mid-February, it was HOOK UP TIME. It took three hours to lecture me and to learn all the buttons, attachments and expectations. I came home with high hopes and clicks and clacks of keys and car noise. If I had not been assured and believed that I would improve, I would have gone home screaming. But my anticipation of better hearing kept me on my own side of the road!!!
Watching TV with crazy captions way behind the speakers gave me a splitting headache. Next day I tried with the news, but still squeaky sounds that just wouldn’t go with the lip movements. I had stared at them so long, I could tell they were not writing what was being said anyway. Give it more time, I tell myself.
Four days later y’all still sound like chipmunks on fast forward. But more sounds greet my electrodes than I have been aware of for years. I crack a grasshopper that got in here, birds squawking (I don’t need to understand the words), Walmart carts rolling, keys jingling, police sirens across the freeway. A full week later I walked into the senior center just as Jeanne was calling the Bingo numbers. I heard the number 0-63!!! I called it out after her and got lots of smiles and waves. Some of our senior group knew it was a mile-stone for me. My audiologist cried when I told her about that thrilling moment.
My check-up time comes around, and the doctor says I am better. The stitches are healing great, and I am wearing hats again. Every day I am convinced that life goes on its noisy way, and I am enjoying it more. If God made birds to sing, didn’t He want me to hear them? Violins play, trains whistle, neighbors chat and little ones say, "Grandma, listen, I am learning to play the mandolin!" Every day brings new thrills. If my friends and family ever thought I was a pest before, let them beware! Here comes the new me, or the one I want to become, ready to talk and to L I S T E N !!! |
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Update October 2001
October, one year and eight months since "hook up" time. In a world where so many are bombarded with high volume noise of music and motors and losing their hearing, I am discovering the small pieces of that huge sound puzzle that surrounds us.
This week I am playing cassettes of a speaker I thoroughly enjoyed in person a few months ago. What a surprise to recognize almost every word and to recall a distinctive masculine voice.
Household noises are surprising too. It took me a while to realize my fridge was not falling apart, it always did that when it switched on! But that was nothing compared to my new clothes washer set up in the hall closet. It might sound as if it were just humming along to most people, but to me, it was dancing to its own music.
It was time to buy a keyboard and review my childhood piano lessons. I might never play like Dino but it's fun to hear the old hymns again, even if I am the one who plays them :)
Tomorrow, as is my Wednesday habit since I began to work the domino crowd, we will try a new game. My friends have been very patient, but I am sure they are happy that "What?" is no longer my favorite word!! :)
This year Valentine's Day marks my second anniversary and you can bet your cowboy boots, I will be somewhere out there celebrating.
Thanks, Cochlear. I love you! |
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